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Reflecting…

So, I was thinking 💭🤔 …what if I’m in the exact place that I’m supposed to be in right now? And everything that I’ve been through has lead me to this moment…

I don’t know about you, but I spend ALOT of time reflecting. I’m always taking inventory on my life, my time, and my choices. Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I made different decisions at pivotal points in my life. And those “what ifs” can be paralyzing and consuming if left unchecked. But when you step back and look 🔎 at the big picture, every thing we’ve experienced has lead up to, and prepared us for, this moment.

True story. I have a great job. 🙌🏽 Not bragging, just stating facts, lol. (I’m super grateful🙏🏽). But sometimes insecurities slip in 🥴 and I wonder:

  1. Why didn’t I start my career sooner? 😨

  2. Why am I not doing MORE?😰 (which would be insane, considering how much I already have on my plate, but, you know me…lol)

  3. What if I would have started 40 years ago? 😱 where would I be now?!(which, also is impossible, because I’m not even 40 yet, but when you’re in a panic little things like chronological age are not factored in)

  4. What if my boss thinks she made a mistake choosing me? 😓

  5. What if my family thinks I love my job more than I love them?!😩

  6. and so on and so on and (exhaustingly) so on…😖

But then I’m like: 🗣CRYSTAL, (cause sometimes you have to call you own name out loud to get your attention) YOU ARE OKAY!!!! and then I take a deep breath, drop my shoulders, release the fear, and challenge the questions with the TRUTH:

  1. I started my career at the best time for ME. My hubby was super supportive, my children were in a good place, and gaining more independence, and I was ready to take the leap (kind of, lol…cause are we ever really “ready“?)

  2. Again, I could NOT have started 40 years ago because I was not on this planet yet…but I was on my way. And seriously, 40 years ago my amazing position was not created yet. The job I have was being prepared for me while I was being prepared for it. Let that sink in for a sec…

  3. My boss does not think she made a mistake choosing me. She believes in me, my ability, and my potential. I am learning to trust that since she hired me, she believes that I am capable to deliver. And I am learning to trust myself more, too.

  4. And my family KNOWS I LOVE them. ♥️ Fiercely! They are my reason. They are proud of me. I am proud of myself.

  5. and when other questions arise, I acknowledge them (and the fear fueling them) and I confront them with the Truth. Boom and BOOM! 💥

So I said all of that to say, we are in the exact place that we are supposed to be right now. Even if that place is an uncomfortable spot that causes us to make a decision about how we want our future to look, everything behind us has pushed us into this moment. AND THIS IS OUR MOMENT!!! To me, that’s exciting. And freeing. I can forgive people who didn’t show up for me, because it caused me to discover strength that I didn’t know I had. I can forgive those that hurt me. I can even forgive my younger self for making decisions that my present self would not have made. Why? Because every experience, every decision/choice, every sorrow, and every joy helped to shape who I am today. I have more than I’ve ever had! More wisdom, MUCH MORE empathy and compassion, more contentment for my now, and more hope for my future! Now is a great place to be. ✨

I’d love to hear from you:

When you reflect, what do you see about you? How do you feel about your present moment? How do you know you’re in the right place?

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